by Jackson Weiser and Joya Lahoud

In every relationship, there are moments that stand out—times of joy, growth, and affirmation that we look back on with fondness. 

The unique challenges and triumphs faced by LGBTQ+ individuals mean that these relationship milestones often come with an added layer of significance. And, like other couples, those in the LGBTQ+ community may want to commemorate their journey in ways that resonate with their shared experiences. Whether it’s the memory of the first date, moving in together, or coming out (either individually or as a couple), every milestone represents a new chapter in the relationship that deserves recognition.

Understanding Relationship Milestones

A relationship milestone can be universally recognized moments such as anniversaries and engagements, or deeply personal ones like the first shared holiday or adopting a pet. These milestones symbolize growth, commitment, and the intertwining of two lives in various degrees of depth and significance.

However, for LGBTQ+ couples, some milestones may hold unique weight or meaning due to the specific challenges and experiences associated with being a part of this community. For instance, the act of coming out as a couple might represent not just a declaration of love but also an act of courage in the face of societal expectations or prejudices.

Traditional milestones like engagements or weddings might carry added emotion for those who have fought for the right to legally and openly celebrate their love. 

Why Celebrate Milestones?

Relationships, like any journey, are composed of moments. Some fleeting, some profound, but all weaving together to tell the story of a shared life. But why is it essential to pause and celebrate these moments? Here’s why:

Strengthening the Bond Between Partners 

Celebrations act as reminders of why you chose one another and how you’ve grown together. Creating Lasting Memories and Traditions Milestones offer the perfect occasion to create and maintain traditions. Whether it’s revisiting the cafe where you had your first date every year or watching a particular movie on your “anniversary,” these traditions become treasured rituals. 

Common Milestones and How to Make Them Special

Every relationship has its milestones, moments that mark significant steps in the journey of love and commitment. While some are shared by many, others may be deeply personal, resonating with the unique narratives of each couple. Here’s a look at some common milestones for many couples, along with suggestions:

First Date Anniversary: 

• Visit the Place Where You First Met: Whether it was a coffee shop, a park, or a mutual friend’s party, returning to that spot can evoke memories of those first sparks.
• Recreate the Date: Try to wear similar outfits, order the same food, or play the song that was in the background. 
• Moving in Together: A New Chapter Combining your lives under one roof is a significant step:

• Create a Shared Space: Dedicate a space in your home to display mementos of your relationship journey, be it photographs, trinkets, or notes.

Anniversary of Coming Out as a Couple: 

• Celebrate Your Bravery: Take a moment to reflect on the courage it took for both of you to come out as a couple. Maybe write each other a letter detailing your feelings from that time.
• Thank Supporters: Consider throwing a small get-together or sending notes to friends and family who stood by you, showing appreciation for their unwavering support.

Engagement & Marriage: 

• Rainbow-Themed Celebrations: Incorporate the colors of the pride flag into your décor, outfits, or even the cake, celebrating your love in all its vibrant hues.
• Choose LGBTQ+ Supportive Venues: Opt for venues or vendors known to support LGBTQ+ causes or rights. Your special day can also be a statement of advocacy and support.

Adoption or Surrogacy Milestones: 

• Share Your Story: Document your journey, from the decision to expand your family to the day it happens. Sharing this with friends, family, or even publicly can inspire other LGBTQ+ couples considering a similar path.
• Create New Traditions: As you begin this chapter, introduce new rituals and traditions that honor your unique family’s story, ensuring that your child understands and celebrates their roots.

While there are several traditional milestones in relationships, each couple’s journey is distinct and the moments you choose to celebrate should reflect that uniqueness. 

Ways to Craft Your Own Milestones

Personalize Your Celebration:

• Crafting a Celebration that Speaks to Your Unique Story: Not all significant moments fit into conventional categories. Maybe it’s the day you both adopted a pet, the first time you traveled abroad together, or even the evening you cooked a meal together. Find those moments that resonate deeply with your relationship’s narrative and honor them in your own special way.

Involving the Community:

• Incorporate Elements that Connect You with the Broader LGBTQ+ Community: Your love story exists within the context of a vibrant and diverse community. Celebrate milestones by attending LGBTQ+ events, collaborating with community organizations, or even hosting gatherings that bring together other LGBTQ+ couples to share their stories and build connections.

Staying True to Yourselves:

• Emphasize the Importance of Authentic Celebrations Over Societal Expectations: While it’s natural to be influenced by societal norms and traditions, it’s essential to remember that your relationship is yours alone. Don’t feel pressured to celebrate in ways that don’t resonate with you. Instead, focus on what feels genuine and meaningful for both of you. 

In creating your unique milestones, you’re not just marking time; you’re cherishing the individual moments that make your relationship extraordinary. By personalizing celebrations, involving the community, and staying true to yourselves, you ensure that each milestone is a genuine reflection of your shared journey.

Practical Tips for Meaningful Celebrations

The most meaningful commemorations often come from genuine gestures, thoughtfulness, and a dash of creativity. Here are some tips to ensure your relationship milestones are celebrated without unnecessary complications:

Focus on the Sentiment, rather than the Price:

• You Don’t Need to Break the Bank to Create a Memorable Experience: It’s the sentiment, not the price tag, that counts. A picnic under the stars, a homemade gift, or even a heartfelt letter can be more memorable than expensive gifts or lavish parties. Remember, creativity can often be the best currency.

Incorporate Symbols:

• Use Symbols that Resonate with Your Journey: Whether it’s the pride flag, specific colors that hold meaning to you both, or even a song that’s become ‘yours,’ incorporate these elements into your celebrations.

Document the Moments:

• Consider Photography, Journaling, or Even Vlogging: Capturing memories allows you to revisit them. Hire a local photographer for a photoshoot, keep a shared journal where you jot down your feelings and experiences, or create a vlog capturing your day. 

Engage in Acts of Giving:

• Mark Milestones by Giving Back to the LGBTQ+ Community: Transform your celebrations into acts of kindness. Consider donating to an LGBTQ+ charity, volunteering together at an event, or even starting a fundraiser. Celebrating love by spreading love amplifies the significance of the milestone.

Revisit and Reflect:

• Make it a Tradition to Look Back on Past Celebrations: As you accumulate more milestones, set aside time during each celebration to reflect on previous ones. Re-watch videos, read old letters, or simply reminisce about past events. This practice not only reinforces the bond but also showcases how far you’ve come together.

By focusing on what truly matters and being mindful of these practical tips, you can ensure every milestone is celebrated in the most heartfelt way.

Conclusion

Celebrating milestones, both big and small, is more than just marking dates on a calendar or throwing a party. These moments of acknowledgment act as anchors in the ever-flowing stream of life, grounding us in memories and shared experiences. 

As you move forward in your love journey, remember to pause, cherish, and celebrate it. Create your own traditions, invent new milestones, and find distinctive ways to commemorate your love. It’s these moments that truly define our shared human experience. Here’s to love, in all its forms and colors!

The post Celebrating Relationship Milestones as an LGBTQ+ Couple appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser and Joya Lahoud

Being a parent is challenging enough, but being a parent while your partner is deployed can be even more difficult. You may feel like you have to do everything on your own, from managing the household to taking care of the kids. You may also worry about your partner’s safety and well-being, and how their absence affects your children. How can you cope with these challenges and still provide a loving and stable environment for your family?

In this article, we will share some parenting tips for the partner of a military member. These tips are based on research and expert advice from various sources, such as Military OneSource1,2, USO3, Military.com4, and SpouseLink5. We will cover topics such as communication, childcare, support, stress management, organization, and more. By following these tips, you can make parenting while your spouse is deployed easier and more rewarding for yourself and your children.

Prioritize Quality Time

Carving out quality time for your loved ones becomes a valuable and necessary standard during the demands of military life.

Nurturing Relationships Through Time Together: Quality time offers the opportunity for deeper connections and understanding between family members. For couples, quality time fosters intimacy and strengthens the foundation of their relationship.

Making The Most of Time Spent Together:

• Planning Family Activities and Outings During Leave Periods: When your partner is on leave, take advantage of this time by planning special family activities and outings. Explore local attractions, parks, or plan day trips to create lasting memories together.
• Engaging in Shared Hobbies or Interests: Discovering and enjoying activities that everyone in the family loves can be a bonding experience. Whether it’s hiking, cooking, playing sports, or working on a craft project, shared hobbies promote teamwork and joy.
• Establishing Family Traditions: Creating and maintaining family traditions is a beautiful way to anchor your family during times of change. Whether it’s a weekly game night, a special mealtime routine, or holiday traditions, these rituals strengthen the sense of belonging and create a shared identity.
• Unplugging and Being Present: In a world filled with distractions, make a conscious effort to unplug from screens and be fully present during quality time. Engage in active listening, genuine conversations, and show appreciation for one another. Remember, quality time is about the depth of connection and presence during those moments. 

The Importance of Resilience

Resilience isn’t merely about “being tough”. It combines emotional strength, flexibility, and optimism. For military families, resilience equips children with the ability to tackle changes and separations with bravery and optimism.

Strengthening Your Children’s Resilience

 Facilitating Emotional Expression:

• Create a comfortable environment where your kids can freely discuss their emotions.
• Validate their sentiments, making sure they know it’s okay to express whatever they are feeling.
• Listen actively without minimizing their worries.

Enhancing Problem-Solving and Flexibility:

• Involve your children in the decision-making, letting them have a say in their actions.
• Encourage flexibility and adaptability by embracing change positively as a family.
• Impart problem-solving methods, guiding them to tackle obstacles bit by bit.

Celebrating Their Strength and Successes:

• Celebrate achievements and growth to support their confidence.
• Praise their efforts when confronting challenges, regardless of the results.
• During tough times, recall their prior successes to reinforce their self-belief.

Prioritizing Self-Care

• For Parents: Military commitments can drain you, both mentally and physically. To best aid your family, self-care is pivotal as it rejuvenates energy, alleviates stress, and nurtures emotional stability.
• For Children: Self-care techniques benefit kids by helping with stress management and emotional regulation, setting them on a path of lifelong health.

Self-Care Techniques for Parents:

• Rest: Ensure adequate sleep and rest, sticking to a routine and emphasizing its importance. 
• Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness through meditation or yoga for stress reduction and mental focus.
• Boundaries: Recognize your limits and decline when overburdened. 
• Personal Time: Dedicate moments for self-relaxation or activities you love.

Addressing Deployment and TDY (Temporary Duty assignment) Concerns

Preparing for reunions and adjustments afterward can be important for a smooth transition. Here are some suggestions for deployment or TDY scenarios:

Staying Connected When Physically Separated: 

• If you or your partner is away on a deployment or TDY, there are still ways to stay connected to your family. To read about how to make your long-distance military relationship work, click here.

Preparing for Homecomings and Adjustments:

• Realistic Forethought: Acknowledge that separations might bring about change. Patience is key during both separation and reconnection.
• Transition Period: Allow for a transition period after the reunion, as both the returning parent and the family may need time to readjust to each other’s presence.
• Open Dialogues: Post-reunion, try to converse openly about roles and expectations.

Seek Support and Utilize Resources

Navigating military family life becomes smoother with available support and resources.

Embrace the Military Community’s Support:

• Tap into the vast network of fellow military families who understand the journey you’re on: The Modern Military Association of America is the nation’s largest non-profit organization dedicated to advancing fairness and equality for the LGBTQ+ military and veteran community.
• You can find more support programs for military families here. 

Counseling and Relationship Aids:

• Counseling: Experts like those from Military OneSource offer safe spaces for discussions.
• Relationship Guidance: The OurRelationship program provides a free online program for military couples to learn about and address their core relational issues with their partner.

Remember, seeking help showcases your dedication to a healthy family life. 

Conclusion

For military families, robust, connected relationships form the foundation for resilience. Fostering open dialogues, quality time, and mutual understanding establishes trust. The bond and affection within the family can act as a security net through military life’s challenges. Implement these strategies to cultivate a loving, resilient, and united family that stands strong over time.

References

(1) Positive Parenting Tips for Military Parents | Military OneSource. https://www.militaryonesource.mil/parenting/responsible-military-parenting-tips/.

(2) Parenting While Your Spouse Is Deployed | Military OneSource. https://www.militaryonesource.mil/parenting/family-life/10-tips-for-parenting-while-your-spouse-is-deployed/.

(3) 8 Best Things to Do with Your Kids When Your Spouse Is Deployed. https://www.uso.org/stories/2279-8-things-for-military-kids.

(4) Divorce and Children: Military Parenting During Divorce. https://www.military.com/spouse/relationships/divorce-and-children-military-parenting-during-divorce.html.

(5) 9 Essential Tips for Pregnant Military Spouses & New Moms. https://spouselink.aafmaa.com/9-essential-tips-for-pregnant-military-spouses-new-moms/.

The post Parenting Tips for Military Spouses appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser and Charlotte Cremers

Parenting as a member of the armed forces presents unique challenges that can put even the strongest bonds to the test. Deployments, temporary duty assignments (TDY), and the uncertainty that accompanies military life can put immense strain on both parents and children. 

In this article, we’ll first describe parenting while in the military and then discuss practical parenting tips for military members. By implementing these strategies, parents can navigate the obstacles of military life more easily and effectively.

Support Each Other’s Roles

Each parent in a military family plays a crucial role in their children’s lives, even if their responsibilities may differ due to deployments or other military commitments. Recognizing contributions that both parents make is essential for a balanced family dynamic.

At-Home Parent Challenges:

• Solo Parenting: During deployments or extended separations, the at-home parent may take on the role of a solo parent, managing daily routines, decision-making, and emotional support.
• Loneliness and Isolation: Frequent relocations can lead to feelings of isolation from being away from extended family and friends.
• Handling Household Responsibilities: Managing household chores, finances, and other responsibilities alone can be overwhelming.

Military Parent Challenges:

• Coping with Separation: The active-duty parent faces the emotional toll of being away from their family and may experience feelings of guilt or missing out on important milestones.
• Stress and Demands of Service: Military duties can be physically and mentally demanding, requiring resilience and adaptability.
• Reintegration after Deployment: Adjusting to family life again after deployment can pose challenges as roles and routines often shift following one parent’s absence.

Fostering a Supportive Family Environment:

• Effective Communication: Maintain open and compassionate communication, sharing thoughts, feelings, and challenges with each other without judgment.
• Acknowledging Efforts and Difficulties: Express appreciation for each other’s contributions and hardships for the family, recognizing the sacrifices made by both parents.
• Sharing Responsibilities: Whenever possible, divide household responsibilities and child-rearing duties equitably, acknowledging the strengths and limitations of each parent’s situation.
• Respecting Individual Needs: Understand that each parent may have different needs during deployment or homecoming and provide space for personal growth and self-care.

Fostering Resilience in Children

Resilience is not just about “toughening up”; it involves emotional strength, adaptability, and a positive outlook. In a military family, resilience helps children face transitions, separations, and new environments with courage and hope. 

Encouraging Open Discussions About Emotions and Experiences:

• Create a safe space for your children to share their feelings openly.
• Validate their feelings and let them know it’s okay to express themselves, whether they’re excited, sad, or afraid. Validating your child’s emotions does not mean that you need to compromise on important boundaries.
• Be attentive listeners and avoid dismissing or belittling their concerns.

Promoting Problem-Solving Skills and Adaptability:

• Involve your children in decision-making processes when appropriate, empowering them to take ownership of their choices.
• Encourage flexibility and adaptability by embracing change positively as a family.
• Teach problem-solving techniques, helping them break down challenges into manageable steps.

Offering Praise and Recognition for their Strength and Achievements:

• Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, to instill confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
• Recognize and praise their efforts in facing challenges and trying their best, regardless of the outcomes.
• Remind them of their past achievements during tough times, fostering a belief in their capabilities.

By encouraging resilience in your children, you help to empower them to face life’s challenges head on. As your children grow, this trait will serve as a powerful foundation, helping them to navigate the difficulties of military life and beyond. 

Practice Self-Care

Importance of Self-Care for Parents and Children:

• For Parents: Military life can be physically and emotionally demanding, and as parents, your wellbeing is important for supporting your family effectively. Engage in self-care activities that replenish your energy, reduce stress, and foster emotional resilience.
• For Children: Children also benefit from self-care practices, as it helps them manage stress, regulate emotions, and build their own strength.

Self-Care Strategies for Military Parents:

• Prioritizing Sleep and Rest: Adequate rest is crucial for physical and mental health. Establish a regular sleep routine, as best you can during unpredictable schedules, and prioritize rest whenever needed.
• Engaging in Mindfulness Practices: Practice mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga to reduce stress and promote emotional well-being. Mindfulness helps you stay present, manage worries, and enhance overall mental clarity.
• Setting Boundaries and Saying No: Recognize your limits and learn to say no when you feel overwhelmed with commitments. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to focus on what truly matters and prevents burnout.
• Taking Breaks and “Me” Time: Make time for yourself regularly, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. Use this time to relax, reflect, or engage in self-care activities without interruptions.

Addressing Deployment or TDY Challenges

Preparing for reunions and potential adjustments afterward is equally important for a smooth transition. Let’s explore tips to address deployment or TDY related issues.

Staying Connected When Physically Separated: 

• If you or your partner is away on a deployment or TDY, there are still ways to stay connected to your family. To read more about how to make your long-distance military relationship work, click here.

Preparing for Reunions and Potential Adjustments:

• Realistic Expectations: Understand that both the separated parent and the family at home may have shifted and developed during this time apart. Try to be patient with the process of reconnecting.
• Transition Period: Allow for a transition period after the reunion, as both the returning parent and the family may need time to readjust to each other’s presence.
• Communicate Expectations: Discuss roles, routines, and expectations openly after the reunion to ensure a smooth reintegration.

Seek Support and Resources

Seeking support and utilizing available resources is an effective way to navigate challenges and foster resilience. The military community offers a wealth of resources designed to assist families in coping with the unique demands they face. 

1. Embrace the Military Community’s Support:

• Tap into the vast network of fellow military families who understand the journey you’re on: The Modern Military Association of America is the nation’s largest non-profit organization dedicated to advancing fairness and equality for the LGBTQ+ military and veteran community.
• You can find more support programs for military families here.

2. Utilize Counseling Services and Support Programs

• Counseling Services: Professional counselors specializing in military family dynamics can provide a safe space for open discussions and offer guidance in handling various challenges. A good resource for this is Military OneSource.
• Relationship Support Programs: The OurRelationship program offers a free, online program for active-duty/Guard/Reserve (through Military OneSource) and Veteran couples to explore and address the challenges in your relationships.

Remember, reaching out for support is not a sign of defeat, but a testament to your commitment to creating a healthy family. Regular check-ins with each other and utilizing external resources can be beneficial.

Conclusion

In military families, strong and supportive relationships are the backbone of resilience. By nurturing open communication, spending quality time together, and supporting each other’s roles, you can build a foundation of attachment and security that can withstand a wide range of hardships.

The post Parenting and Family Advice for a Member of the Military appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser and Charlotte Cremers

It can be both thrilling and intimidating to date someone with more sexual experience – especially someone who has explored many different aspects of their sexuality. In this article, we’ll delve into tips for a relationship with a more sexually experienced partner and offer guidance for how to navigate this with grace and confidence. 

Understanding Your Feelings

When dating someone more sexually experienced, it’s natural to experience a range of emotions, including insecurity and uncertainty. It’s often helpful to acknowledge these feelings and address them in a healthy way. Here are some key points to consider:

Potential insecurities or uncertainties: It’s common to feel insecure about your own level of experience compared to your partner’s. Remember that everyone has their own unique journey, and your worth as an individual is not solely defined by your sexual history (just like your partner’s isn’t).

The importance of self-acceptance and self-confidence: You can’t change what you haven’t (or have!) experienced yet, but you can change how you frame a lack of experience. It can be an exciting thing that you have exploration and learning in front of you. You deserve a partner that is excited to go through this process with you and patient to go at a pace you feel comfortable with. Build your self-confidence by also acknowledging other positive qualities and the unique attributes you bring to the relationship.

Embracing Open Communication

Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, especially when it comes to matters of intimacy and sexuality.

1. Engage in honest conversations about sexual history: While discussing sexual history can feel uncomfortable, it’s essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner. Try to approach these discussions with curiosity and respect, creating a safe space for both of you to share your experiences. Remember that transparency can strengthen your bond and increase understanding.
2. Address concerns and ask questions respectfully: If you have concerns or questions about your partner’s past experiences, it’s crucial to address them in a respectful manner. Try to avoid judgment, assumptions, or pressure to disclose; instead, express your thoughts with empathy and understanding. Sexual experience, or the lack thereof, simply reflects what you have or have not done – not who you are as a person. 
3. Open communication can increase understanding and connection: Engaging in open communication about sexual history can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner’s desires, boundaries, and preferences. This knowledge can create a stronger emotional and physical connection between you. By actively listening and empathizing, you can build trust and foster an environment of mutual respect.

Remember, open communication isn’t solely about discussing the past but also about ongoing dialogue regarding your present desires and expectations. 

Cultivating Trust and Mutual Respect

Building a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect is vital when dating someone more sexually experienced. Here are suggestions for how to do that:

1. Build trust: Trust is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Feeling as though you can trust your partner to be compassionate when you bring up sensitive topics is crucial. This level of trust can take some time to cultivate in your relationship. It might be a good idea to take incremental steps in cultivating trust and mutual respect with your partner by seeing how they react when you share your more surface-level insecurities and feelings. If they reciprocate and demonstrate compassion, then you can move on to sharing your deeper thoughts and feelings. This is a good way to feel safe when bringing up the topic of sexual experience with your partner. 
2. Set boundaries and discuss comfort levels: Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Discuss and establish clear boundaries that align with both partners’ comfort levels. Communicate your boundaries openly and respectfully, and encourage your partner to do the same. By openly discussing boundaries, you can create a safe and respectful space for exploring intimacy together.

Learning from Each Other

When dating someone more sexually experienced, there is a unique opportunity to learn and grow together as a couple. Here are key points to consider in embracing this opportunity:

1. Explore the opportunity to learn and grow together: Try to view your partner’s experience as an opportunity for personal growth and discovery. Embrace the chance to learn from their insights, techniques, and perspectives. Likewise, your own unique perspective can enrich their understanding. By sharing openly and honestly, you can foster a deep sense of connection and mutual growth.
2. Encourage a supportive and non-competitive mindset: It’s essential to maintain a supportive and non-competitive mindset when exploring intimacy with someone more sexually experienced. Try to avoid comparing yourself to their past partners or feeling inadequate. Instead, try to focus on building a healthy and fulfilling connection based on trust, respect, and shared exploration. Celebrate each other’s unique journeys and experiences.

For more tips on overcoming sexual difficulties in your relationship, click here.

Exploring New Experiences

Being with a more sexually-experienced partner can also be an exciting opportunity. Here are some ideas on how to take advantage of it:

1. Discuss the potential for trying new things together: Openly communicate with your partner about your desires to explore new experiences. Discuss your fantasies, interests, and curiosities. Explore the potential for trying new activities that can deepen your intimacy and connection. Be receptive to your partner’s suggestions as well, creating a space for mutual exploration and growth.
2. Open-mindedness and curiosity: Embrace an open-minded and curious approach to exploring new experiences. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and try things that may be unfamiliar. Allow yourself to embrace the pleasure and growth that comes with exploring uncharted territory.
3. Consent and mutual enjoyment: Consent is of utmost importance in any sexual encounter. Prioritize open and ongoing communication about boundaries, desires, and comfort levels. Respect each other’s boundaries and check in for enthusiastic consent before trying something new. Remember that the key is mutual enjoyment and pleasure for both partners, creating a safe and satisfying experience.

Seeking Support

If you and your partner find yourselves facing challenges or uncertainties that feel overwhelming, consider online relationship support as an option. The OurRelationship program can help you and your partner develop more effective communication to discuss your core issues without judgment. Click here to learn more and find out if you qualify for the program for free. Couple counseling is another option to consider; click here to learn if couple counseling is right for your relationship.

Conclusion

Navigating a relationship with someone more sexually experienced can be both exciting and challenging. Embrace this unique opportunity for growth and learning in your relationship. Remember that open communication, trust, and respect are the pillars of a healthy and fulfilling connection. By nurturing these aspects, you can build a strong foundation for a relationship that celebrates each other’s experiences and fosters deep emotional and sexual intimacy.

The post Tips for a Relationship with a More Sexually Experienced Partner appeared first on OurRelationship.

The landscape of relationships is expanding beyond traditional norms at an accelerating pace. It has become increasingly possible for you and your partner to consider and experiment with new relationship dynamics. By exploring alternatives to monogamy (the relationship agreement that sexual and romantic behavior is only shared with one partner at a time), individuals and couples can create relationships that better align with their needs, desires, and values. One such alternative is ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

   Ethical non-monogamy, also known as consensual non-monogamy, is a relationship structure that allows partners to engage in and/or pursue romantic or sexual behavior with multiple people at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. It challenges the notion that sexual and romantic exclusivity is the only valid or viable option for committed romantic partnerships–emphasizing open communication, honesty, and mutual consent.

   In this article, we provide an in-depth exploration of ethical non-monogamy and help you determine if it’s a good fit for you or your relationship. We will delve into different types of ethical non-monogamous relationships, discuss their defining characteristics, and provide insights into the challenges and benefits they may present. 

Types of ENM Relationships

Casual Dating

   Casual dating involves engaging in non-exclusive and non-committed connections with multiple individuals. It is characterized by a more relaxed and informal approach to dating, where individuals explore romantic or sexual connections without the expectation of exclusivity or long-term commitment. It can allow for a broader range of experiences and interactions with various people.

Emphasizing personal growth and exploration: Casual dating is often associated with the desire for independence, personal growth, and self-discovery. It can provide an opportunity to explore different types of relationships, learn more about one’s own preferences, and expand social and emotional horizons. It can be a space for individuals to discover what they truly desire in a romantic or sexual partnership, as well as to explore their own boundaries and desires.

Setting clear expectations and boundaries: Without inherent exclusivity or commitment, it is especially helpful to establish and communicate personal boundaries and desires with each partner. This includes agreeing upon levels of emotional involvement, frequency of interactions, and communication. By setting clear boundaries and having open conversations, individuals can navigate casual dating with transparency and respect.

For more general tips on talking about the status and future of your relationship, click here.

Open Relationships

   Open relationships are a form of ethical non-monogamy that allows individuals in a committed partnership to engage in sexual (although not necessarily romantic) exploration and experiences with other people outside of their primary relationship. Ideally, the primary partnership remains the central foundation, but there is an understanding and acceptance that sexual encounters with others can occur.

Boundaries, rules, and consent: Open relationships thrive on clear boundaries, rules, and consent between partners. This involves open and honest communication about what is acceptable within the relationship, including guidelines for engaging with others. Partners may establish rules such as using protection, informing each other about outside interactions, or setting limits on the frequency or nature of encounters. Regular discussions and ongoing consent are crucial to maintain trust and ensure the emotional well-being of all involved.

Swinging

   Swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy that involves consensual partner swapping or engaging in group sexual activities. Swingers may attend events where they can meet and interact with other couples or individuals interested in non-monogamous experiences. It focuses on shared sexual exploration and pleasure within a consensual and respectful environment.

Establishing rules and boundaries for sexual encounters: Swinging relationships thrive on clear rules and boundaries established by all parties involved. Couples or individuals in the swinging community often have discussions to establish guidelines regarding the types of activities they are comfortable with, the level of involvement desired, and any specific limitations or preferences. These rules and boundaries help ensure that everyone’s comfort levels are respected and that experiences are enjoyable for all participants.

Being Monogamish

   Being “monogamish” refers to a relationship dynamic that falls on the spectrum between monogamy and non-monogamy. It involves a largely exclusive partnership where both individuals may be open to occasional non-monogamous experiences or have agreed-upon allowances for exploring connections outside the relationship. Being monogamish allows for a level of flexibility and openness while still maintaining the central commitment to the primary partnership.

Negotiating boundaries and expectations: Negotiating boundaries and expectations is an essential part of being monogamish. Partners must have ongoing discussions about what is permissible and what is not, ensuring that both individuals feel comfortable and respected within the agreed-upon arrangement. This may include discussing limits on emotional involvement, specific rules for engaging with others, or guidelines for communication and disclosure. Regular check-ins and open dialogue can help maintain trust and ensure that the boundaries set are still meeting the needs of both partners.

Polyamory

   Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy characterized by the practice of having multiple romantic or emotional relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all involved. It goes beyond casual or purely sexual encounters and focuses on fostering deep emotional connections with multiple partners. Polyamory is based on principles such as open communication, honesty, and the belief that love and affection are not limited resources.

Nurturing emotional connections: Partners in polyamory strive to foster deep emotional connections with each other, similar to those found in traditional monogamous relationships. This involves active communication, vulnerability, and investing time and effort to build and maintain emotional bonds with multiple partners.

Managing jealousy and communication: Like any relationship, polyamory may bring up feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Effective communication skills, such as expressing needs and concerns, actively listening, and practicing empathy, play a vital role in navigating jealousy and maintaining healthy relationships. Establishing clear (but reasonable) boundaries, discussing expectations, and providing reassurance can also help to reduce jealousy within polyamorous relationships.

Polygamy

   Polygamy is a type of ethical non-monogamy that involves having multiple spouses at the same time. This can appear in different forms, including polygyny (one man having multiple wives) or polyandry (one woman having multiple husbands). 

Cultural and religious aspects: Polygamy has historical and cultural roots in various societies around the world. It is often associated with specific religious or cultural traditions, such as certain sects of Islam, Mormonism, or indigenous cultures. In these contexts, polygamy may be viewed as a religious or spiritual practice, a way to strengthen family and community ties, or a means to address practical or societal needs.

Legal considerations and challenges: Polygamy poses legal challenges in many jurisdictions. In countries where it is not legally recognized, having multiple spouses may be illegal or subject to criminal sanctions. In places where it is legally recognized, there may be specific regulations and requirements regarding marriage licenses, inheritance rights, and benefits. Legal complexities often arise regarding marital rights, custody arrangements, and financial obligations.

Polyfidelity

   Polyfidelity is a form of ethical non-monogamy that involves the establishment of exclusive multiple-partner relationships. Unlike other forms of non-monogamy where individuals may have relationships with multiple partners, polyfidelity emphasizes committed and exclusive bonds within a limited group. It usually consists of three or more individuals who are committed to each other emotionally, romantically, and sexually. The goal is usually to create a deep sense of connection, trust, and commitment among all members, fostering a sense of family or chosen kinship.

Balancing emotional intimacy and autonomy: Polyfidelity involves navigating the delicate balance between emotional intimacy and individual autonomy. While there is a commitment to the group, each individual still maintains their own personal autonomy and may have their own unique connections and dynamics within the polyfidelity structure. Communication, negotiation, and establishing clear boundaries are vital to ensure that everyone’s emotional needs are met while respecting each person’s individuality.

Deciding If Ethical Non-Monogamy is Right for You

Considering personal values and relationship goals

   Evaluate your personal values and relationship goals to determine if ethical non-monogamy aligns with what you want for yourself and your partnerships. Consider factors such as emotional intimacy, commitment, autonomy, and the types of connections you seek. It is important that all individuals involved share compatible values and have a shared vision for the relationship(s) moving forward.

Open and honest communication with your partner(s)

   Ethical non-monogamy requires open and honest communication with your partner(s). Initiate conversations about your thoughts and feelings regarding non-monogamy, expressing your desires, concerns, and expectations. It is essential to create a safe space where all parties involved can express their emotions and actively listen to one another. 

Getting support

   If you are unsure about whether ethical non-monogamy is right for your relationship or if you encounter difficulties along the way, consider seeking support or guidance. OurRelationship offers free programs that are designed to help you and your partner with problems in your relationship. They can help you and your partner learn how to better communicate so you may discuss your issues without judgment.

Conclusion

   Exploring different relationship dynamics can be a transformative journey that leads to personal growth and a deeper understanding of oneself and others. Ethical non-monogamy encourages us to create relationships that align with our authentic selves. Remember to consider your personal values, relationship goals, and individual capacities for emotional connections and that your journey towards finding the right relationship dynamic will be unique to you.

The post Ethical Non-Monogamy: Is It Right for You? appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser and Charlotte Cremers

In many romantic relationships, commitment often plays a vital role in fostering trust, stability, and long-term happiness. It serves as a strong foundation that allows individuals to build a deeper emotional connection and navigate the challenges that come their way. Unfortunately, many individuals still struggle with fully committing to their partner–which can make it more difficult for them to reach their relationship goals.

Understanding “Commitment Issues”

“Commitment issues” refer to emotional barriers or fears that prevent individuals from fully engaging in or sustaining a committed romantic relationship. It involves a reluctance or resistance to enter into long-term commitments or maintain a deep emotional connection with a partner. It is sometimes referred to as an “avoidant” attachment style.

Commitment issues struggles

1. Fear of commitment: A pervasive fear or anxiety surrounding the idea of committing to a long-term relationship. This fear may stem from concerns about losing personal freedom, fear of intimacy, or the possibility of being hurt or rejected.
2. Difficulty making long-term plans: Individuals with commitment issues may struggle to make or follow through with plans that extend into the future. They may avoid discussions or decisions regarding important milestones in the relationship, such as moving in together, getting married, or starting a family.
3. Avoidance of relationship labels: People with commitment issues may resist or avoid defining the relationship with labels like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” They may prefer to keep the relationship label-free, fearing the responsibilities or expectations associated with formal relationship titles.
4. Pattern of short-term relationships: Commitment-averse individuals often find themselves in a series of short-term relationships that end when their partners begin to push for more commitment. They may experience difficulty sustaining long-term connections due to a fear of commitment or a tendency to become emotionally detached after a certain period.
5. Inability to envision a future together: Those with commitment issues struggle to imagine or plan a shared future with their partner. They may have difficulty picturing themselves in a committed, long-term relationship and may avoid discussing or considering future goals, aspirations, or shared plans.

Factors contributing to commitment issues

1. Past romantic relationship experiences: Negative or traumatic experiences in past relationships, such as betrayal, abandonment, or heartbreak, may create emotional barriers and make it challenging to trust and fully commit in future relationships. 
2. Fear of vulnerability or intimacy: Opening up and being emotionally vulnerable requires a level of trust that can be challenging for individuals who fear being hurt or rejected.
3. Attachment styles: Attachment styles developed in early childhood can influence how individuals approach and experience relationships. Avoidant attachment styles can be formed in situations where parents are consistently unavailable or unresponsive to a child’s needs. Those early experiences start a pattern of avoidance that continues into adulthood.
4. Personal insecurities or low self-esteem: These individuals may doubt their own worthiness of love and worry about being inadequate in a relationship.
5. Emotional trauma or unresolved issues: These unresolved issues may create emotional barriers that prevent deep connection and commitment.
6. Mental health conditions: Certain mental health conditions, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), can contribute to commitment issues. The challenges associated with ADHD, such as impulsivity and difficulty with long-term planning, can make it harder for individuals to commit and maintain relationships¹.

Understanding these signs, symptoms, and contributing factors is essential in addressing and overcoming commitment issues. By recognizing and addressing the underlying causes, individuals can work towards developing healthier patterns of commitment and nurturing fulfilling relationships.

How Do You Know if You Have Commitment Issues? 

Self-reflection and introspection

Assessing your own commitment issues requires honest self-reflection and introspection. Take the time to delve into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors surrounding commitment in relationships. Self-awareness is the first step towards understanding and addressing any challenges you may have. Reflect on your past relationships and see if you can spot any patterns or recurring themes that might suggest a reluctance or fear of commitment. Also, consider whether you experience anxiety or discomfort when faced with the idea of long-term commitment. This introspection can provide insights into the root causes of your commitment issues.

Dealing With Commitment Issues

If you decide you want to become more comfortable with commitment, there are a few things you can do to help achieve that:

1. Open and honest communication

Discussing fears and concerns with your partner: Openly communicate your fears and concerns about commitment with your partner. If you know you don’t want to move forward with your current relationship, honestly sharing these thoughts and emotions with your partner will allow both of you to make the right decision for your relationship. 

Setting realistic expectations and boundaries: Establish clear and realistic expectations and boundaries within your relationship. This helps create a sense of security and ensures that both partners are on the same page regarding the level of commitment and the pace of progress.

2. Gradual exposure to commitment

Taking small steps towards commitment: This could involve committing to short-term goals or making incremental, manageable commitments within the relationship. 

Celebrating progress and acknowledging achievements: Recognize and celebrate each milestone and achievement along the way. Acknowledge the progress you make, no matter how small, as it reinforces positive changes and motivates further growth.

3. Patience and understanding

Allowing time for personal growth and healing: Becoming more comfortable with commitment is a journey that requires patience and understanding. Be patient with yourself and allow time for personal growth and healing. Recognize that change takes time and progress may come in stages. 

Being compassionate towards oneself and others: Be understanding of your own struggles and extend the same empathy to your partner. It is also important to understand that full, long-term commitment may not always be the best option for you, depending on the situation. Don’t force yourself into commitment if you feel as though the relationship or circumstances aren’t right for you.

4. Seeking help

Relationship support programs: Consider enrolling in a relationship support program specifically designed to address commitment issues. These programs provide a supportive and structured environment where you can explore the root causes of your commitment issues and learn strategies to overcome them. At OurRelationship, our self-driven program can help you and your partner explore and address the challenges in your relationship as well as learn better ways to communicate.

Individual therapy or counseling: Engaging in individual therapy or counseling can be immensely helpful in addressing commitment issues. A trained therapist can help you explore and understand the underlying factors contributing to your commitment struggles. Through personalized sessions, you can work on developing healthier patterns of thinking and behavior in relationships.

Supporting a Partner with Commitment Issues

Recognizing and validating their feelings

Understand that their fears and concerns are real and significant to them. Let them know that you respect their emotions and are there to support them. Remember that it may not be your job to change their mind, and that their unwillingness to commit may be the right choice for them and their circumstances.

Providing reassurance and support

Offer reassurance to your partner that you are committed to their well-being and the growth of the relationship. Show them through your words and actions that you are willing to work together to overcome their commitment issues. 

Encouraging professional help if necessary

If your partner’s commitment issues are causing significant distress or hindering the relationship’s progress, gently suggest seeking professional help. Encourage them to explore individual therapy or couples counseling, where they can receive expert guidance and support in addressing their commitment challenges.

Conclusion

Addressing and overcoming commitment issues is crucial for fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Unresolved commitment issues can hinder emotional intimacy, trust, and the overall growth of a partnership. By working through these challenges, individuals can develop the capacity for deeper connections, long-lasting commitments, and increased relationship satisfaction. Remember, change takes time, and each small step towards growth is a significant achievement.

References

1. Babinski, Dara  E, and Daniel A Waschbusch. “The Interpersonal Difficulties of Women  with ADHD.” The ADHD Report, vol. 24, no. 7, Nov. 2016, chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/pdf/10.1521/adhd.2016.24.7.1. 

The post Signs of Commitment Issues and How To Deal With Them appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser and Charlotte Cremers

It is no secret that individuals in LGBTQ+ relationships often face various stereotypes and misconceptions from society. These stereotypes can create barriers and misunderstandings, impacting the well-being and dynamics of relationships. It is important to be resilient in the face of these stereotypes so that you can overcome the negative effects they can have on you and your relationships.

Understanding Stereotypes

To effectively address and overcome these stereotypes, it is important to first understand their nature and the consequences they may have.

Definition of stereotypes and their impact on LGBTQ+ couples:

   Stereotypes are fixed, oversimplified beliefs or assumptions about a particular group of people. When it comes to LGBTQ+ couples, stereotypes often sustain misconceptions and reinforce prejudice, creating more discrimination and social stigmatization for them.

Common stereotypes faced by LGBTQ+ individuals and couples:

   LGBTQ+ individuals and couples encounter various stereotypes that may arise from ignorance or ingrained biases. It can be hard to read about some of these; however, understanding these biased views can also help you recognize when you’re being viewed unfairly. Some prevalent stereotypes include:

   – “The Promiscuous Lifestyle”: Assuming that LGBTQ+ couples engage in promiscuity or that their relationships lack commitment and stability. It is important to remember that LGBTQ+ relationships are as stable and enduring as heterosexual relationships, and that relationship challenges are not exclusive to any particular orientation.

   – “Gender Roles and Identity”: Presuming that there must be a strict adherence to traditional gender roles within LGBTQ+ relationships or assuming that one partner must exhibit more masculine or feminine traits. However, research shows that there is a lot of variability of gender roles and traits amongst both heterosexual and same-gender couples.

   – “Influence on Children”: Misconceptions that LGBTQ+ couples are bad influences, unfit, or incapable of providing a nurturing environment for children. However, numerous scientific studies have shown that this is simply not true.

   – “Phase or Choice”: Incorrectly perceiving being LGBTQ+ as a phase or a deliberate choice rather than a fundamental aspect of one’s identity. 

  – “Unnatural or abnormal”:  Thinking that it is somehow a mistake that not everybody is cisgender and heterosexual. However, in nature, life takes on diverse forms. It is natural to have variations, including in the realm of sexuality. For people who are gay, being attracted to people of the same gender is natural.

Negative effects of stereotypes on relationships and personal well-being:

Unfortunately, these stereotypes can have negative effects on LGBTQ+ individuals and their relationships. These effects include:

   – Increased stress and anxiety: Navigating societal stereotypes can create emotional distress, impacting the mental health of individuals and couples.

   – Strained relationship dynamics: Stereotypes may result in external pressures that challenge trust, communication, and mutual understanding within the relationship.

   – Limited acceptance: Stereotypes can impede social acceptance, leading to feelings of isolation, rejection, and a lack of support from friends, family, or the larger community.

We can start the journey toward removing these harmful beliefs and fostering a more inclusive, accepting environment for all by recognizing and understanding the impact of stereotypes on LGBTQ+ couples.

Challenging Misunderstandings

There are several things that can be done to combat these stereotypes:

Educating others about the diversity and complexity of LGBTQ+ experiences:

   – Sharing personal stories and experiences: Personal narratives humanize LGBTQ+ relationships, providing insight into the lived experiences and challenges faced.

   – Promoting LGBTQ+ representation: Advocating for positive and accurate representation in media, literature, and other platforms to showcase the diverse range of LGBTQ+ relationships.

   – Providing resources and information: Sharing educational resources, articles, and reputable organizations that provide accurate information about LGBTQ+ relationships.

Encouraging empathy and understanding to foster healthy relationships:

   Developing empathy and understanding is essential for creating a supportive environment. Here’s how we can promote empathy:

   – Listening actively: Encourage open and non-judgmental communication, allowing your partner to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of rejection.

   – Seeking common ground: Focus on shared values, emotions, and experiences to bridge gaps and build empathy, emphasizing that love and the desire for meaningful relationships are universal.

   – Promoting communication and learning: Encourage open-minded conversations, respectful questions, and a desire to learn from one another.

 – Non-defensive responses: Respond with empathy and curiosity rather than defensiveness, fostering an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance.

Emphasizing the importance of open communication within LGBTQ+ relationships:

   – Building trust: Honest and transparent communication builds a foundation of trust, allowing you to feel secure and understood in the relationship.

   – Expressing needs and concerns: Open dialogue allows partners to express their needs, desires, and concerns.

   – Strengthening connection: Engaging in meaningful conversations helps partners deepen their emotional bond, creating a stronger sense of intimacy and connection.

If you would like to learn more on how to talk about the status and future of your relationship, click here.

Building a Supportive Network

By cultivating relationships with supportive friends, family, and allies, surrounding yourself with positive influences and role models, and celebrating LGBTQ+ identities, we can foster a sense of community and create an environment of love, acceptance, and understanding.

Cultivating a network of supportive friends, family, and allies:

   – Open communication: Engage in honest conversations with friends, family, and allies about your experiences and needs, creating opportunities for understanding and support.

   – Setting boundaries: Establish boundaries with individuals who may not be accepting or supportive, focusing on nurturing relationships with those who demonstrate empathy and respect.

 If you would like to learn tips on raising a child in a same-gender household, click here.

Surrounding yourself with positive influences and role models:

   – Engage with LGBTQ+ media: Educate yourself on LGBTQ+ literature, movies, music, and other media that promote positive representations and diverse narratives.

   – Follow LGBTQ+ advocates: Seek out LGBTQ+ activists, influencers, and role models who inspire and uplift the community, promoting self-acceptance and pride.

   – Engage in LGBTQ+ events: Consider attending LGBTQ+ pride parades, community gatherings, and other events that celebrate identities and foster a sense of belonging.

Conclusion

Remember, your journey is unique and deserving of understanding and respect. By understanding the ways in which anti-LGBTQ+ influences can affect us, we can better protect ourselves and our relationships in order to lead a more satisfying life. 

If you find that the problems in your relationship persist or become overwhelming, consider seeking a relationship support program specifically designed for LGBTQ+ couples. The OurRelationship program offers a free, online program for same-gender and LGBTQ+ couples to explore and address the challenges in your relationship.

The post Overcoming Stereotypes and Misunderstandings as an LGBTQ+ Couple appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser and Charlotte Cremers

Being in a relationship with someone who isn’t out can be an incredibly challenging experience for both partners. It often requires patience, understanding, and support as your partner navigates their journey of self-discovery and acceptance. 

One of the key challenges is the need for secrecy and discretion. Keeping your relationship hidden from others can place a significant emotional burden on both of you. It may leave you feeling exhausted, and it can also lead to feelings of frustration, isolation, and even self-doubt. Furthermore, you may wonder if your partner will eventually come out, how their coming out process will unfold, and what it means for your relationship. Remember that these thoughts and emotions are normal and valid, and that finding healthy ways to cope may be important in order for you to provide the support and patience your partner will need. 

While it can be challenging, your partner’s decision to remain in the closet is deeply personal and should be respected. It’s not your role to push or pressure them into coming out before they are ready. Instead, focus on providing a safe and supportive space where they feel comfortable exploring their identity at their own pace. In this article, we will explore how you can be a pillar of strength for your partner as they navigate the coming out process.

Common Fears and Concerns Your Partner Might Have About Coming Out

The coming out process can be accompanied by a range of fears and concerns for your partner. Some common worries may include the fear of rejection, judgment, and potential damage to existing relationships. Acknowledging and validating these concerns can help create a safe space for open communication.

Emphasize the Importance of Empathy, Respect, and Patience in Supporting Your Partner

Supporting your partner through the coming out process requires a foundation of empathy, respect, and patience. Empathy allows you to understand and share in their experiences, validating their emotions and journey. Respect involves honoring their autonomy and choices, allowing them to come out at their own pace and in their own way. Patience is essential as your partner navigates the challenges and emotions associated with coming out. Recognize that this process is unique to them and may require time and support.

Creating a Safe and Trusting Environment

Here are some tips for creating a safe space where your partner can express themselves without judgment:

1. Practice active listening: Listen attentively and without interruption. Show genuine interest in what your partner has to say, providing them with your full attention.
2. Suspend judgment: Create a non-judgmental atmosphere where your partner feels safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. Try to avoid making assumptions or passing judgment on their experiences.
3. Validate their emotions: Let your partner know that their emotions are valid and understandable. Recognize their experiences by acknowledging their feelings without dismissing or minimizing them.
4. Encourage self-expression: Encourage your partner to express themselves authentically, free from fear of judgment. Celebrate their individuality and uniqueness, fostering an environment that embraces diversity.

Express your support by:

1. Using affirming language: Validate their feelings by using statements such as “I understand why you might feel that way” or “Your experiences are valid, and I’m here for you.”
2. Celebrating their courage: Recognize the bravery and strength it takes for them to share their true selves. Commend their courage and remind them of your unwavering support.

For other tips on communication within your relationship, click here.

Educating Yourself about LGBTQ+ Issues and Experiences

Whether you consider yourself a member of the LGBTQ+ community or not, it is important to take the initiative and learn about the challenges and triumphs those in the community face.

Familiarize yourself with appropriate terms such as gender identity, sexual orientation, and non-binary, among others. This knowledge will enable you to engage in meaningful conversations with your partner and others within the LGBTQ+ community. PFLAG is an organization that offers an abundance of valuable information and resources on LGBTQ+ topics.

Suggest Resources such as Books, Articles, or Support Groups

1. Books: Recommend your partner LGBTQ+ literature that explores various topics and experiences. Some notable titles include “Stone Butch Blues” by Leslie Feinberg, “Redefining Realness” by Janet Mock, and “The Velvet Rage” by Alan Downs.
2. Articles: Share articles from reputable sources that cover LGBTQ+ topics, including personal narratives, educational pieces, and current events. Online platforms like LGBTQ+-focused websites, blogs, and news outlets can provide valuable insights.
3. Support Groups: Encourage your partner to seek support from LGBTQ+ community centers or local support groups. These spaces offer a sense of belonging and can provide both of you with opportunities to connect with others who have similar experiences. Some examples of good LGBTQ+ communities are PFLAG, as previously mentioned, which would be ideal for adults, and The Trevor Project, for teens and young adults.

Address Practical Aspects of Coming Out, Such as Informing Family, Friends, and Colleagues

Coming out involves practical considerations, such as informing family, friends, and colleagues about your partner’s LGBTQ+ identity. Discuss the importance of these conversations and the potential impact they may have on your partner’s relationships and support network. Acknowledge the significance of the steps involved in coming out.

Suggest Ways to Offer Assistance and Support During These Conversations

1. Offer to be present: Ask your partner if they would like you to be present during their coming out conversations. Your presence can provide them with emotional support and a sense of security during potentially challenging discussions.
2. Practice role-playing: Help your partner prepare for these conversations by role-playing different scenarios. This can boost their confidence and allow them to anticipate and navigate potential reactions or questions.

Respect Your Partner’s Pace and Decisions

Respecting your partner’s pace and decisions is paramount during the practical aspects of coming out. Each person’s journey is unique, and they may choose to come out to different people at different times. Encourage your partner to set their own boundaries and determine the right moment for these conversations. Support their decisions and avoid pressuring or rushing them.

Conclusion

Supporting your partner during their coming out journey is significant for maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship. By demonstrating empathy, respect, and patience, you can create a safe space where they feel loved, accepted, and understood.

If you find that the problems in your relationship persist or become overwhelming, consider seeking a relationship support program specifically designed for LGBTQ+ couples. The OurRelationship program offers a free, online program for same-gender and LGBTQ+ couples to explore and address the challenges in your relationships.

The post How to Support Your Partner Coming Out As LGBTQ+ appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

Military deployments or temporary duty assignments (TDY) can have a significant impact on intimacy within relationships. Awareness of the unique challenges involved may help with rebuilding intimacy when your partner returns. When away from each other for extended periods of time, emotional distance can emerge, communication may break down, and both partners may undergo personal changes. In this article, we will explore strategies for nurturing emotional intimacy, reconnecting physically, and addressing potential changes and relationship problems that arise after deployment or TDY. 

Rebuilding Intimacy

1. Emotional Distance:

The physical separation during deployment or TDY can create emotional distance between you and your partner. Reconnecting emotionally becomes essential in rebuilding intimacy.

2. Communication Breakdown:

    Lack of communication or limited communication during deployment can lead to a breakdown in emotional connection and understanding. For more guidance on promoting intimacy through communication, click here.

3. Shifted Relationship Dynamics: 

    One or both partners may have changed during the time apart which will naturally shift the relationship once you are reunited. Adjusting to these changes can require patience and flexibility to adapt.

Reconnecting Emotionally

1. Engaging in Active Listening and Empathy:

   Actively listening to your partner’s thoughts and feelings while minimizing judgment or interruption is crucial. Show empathy by putting yourself in their shoes and seeking to understand their experiences and emotions. Create a safe space where they feel heard and validated. For more advice on being vulnerable in your relationship, click here.

2. Sharing Experiences and Stories:

   Share your own experiences and stories from the time apart. This can help bridge the emotional gap and deepen the connection between you and your partner. Engaging in open and honest conversations about your experiences during deployment fosters understanding and empathy.

Nurturing Physical Intimacy

1. Rebuilding Trust and Comfort:

   Rebuilding trust is a vital step in nurturing physical intimacy. It may involve open conversations about any concerns or insecurities that arose during deployment. Be patient, understanding, and supportive, allowing your partner to share their feelings and working together to rebuild trust.

2. Exploring New Ways to Reconnect Romantically:

   After deployment, it can be beneficial to explore new ways to reconnect romantically. Find activities or experiences that you both enjoy and make time for them. Focus on fostering shared interests, creating new memories, and rekindling the romance in your relationship.

Dealing with Changes and Marriage Problems

Addressing Changes in a Partner after Deployment

1. Being Patient and Supportive during the Adjustment Period:

   Recognize that both you and your partner may have undergone changes during deployment or TDY. Be patient as you adjust to these changes and allow each other the space and time needed to adapt. Show support by actively listening, offering understanding, and being there for each other during this transition.

2. Seeking Professional Help if Needed:

   If you notice significant changes in your partner’s behavior, mood, or well-being that persist beyond the adjustment period, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Consider gently proposing, being careful not to convey a judgmental attitude, that your partner talk to a mental health professional who specializes in post-deployment issues. Professional guidance can provide valuable support and resources for addressing the unique challenges that arise while returning from deployment.

Managing Marriage Problems after Deployment

1. Identifying Underlying Issues and Communication Breakdowns:

   Deployment or TDY can uncover or intensify underlying issues in a relationship. Take the time to identify and address these issues with open and honest communication. Reflect on any breakdowns in communication that may have occurred during deployment and work together to improve the way you communicate with each other.

2. Seeking Relationship Support Programs:

   If you find that the problems in your relationship persist or become overwhelming, consider seeking a relationship support program specifically designed for military couples. The OurRelationship program offers a free, online program for military couples to explore and address the challenges in their relationship. However, another alternative to consider is couples counseling, click here to read if couple counseling is right for your relationship. 

Conclusion

By implementing strategies to reconnect emotionally and nurture physical intimacy, you and your partner can overcome the obstacles that arise when one of you returns from deployment or TDY. Should these challenges persist, seeking professional help or joining relationship support programs specifically designed for military couples, such as this one, can provide valuable guidance and resources. With these tools and strategies, you can navigate the complexities of post-deployment life and emerge with a strengthened and fulfilling relationship that withstands the trials of military service.

The post How To Reconnect With Your Partner After Military Deployment appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

Raising a child is a unique and rewarding journey that many LGBTQ+ couples may choose to embark upon. As more couples are able to start families, access to guidance and assistance is becoming more important. In this article, we will explore parenting tips specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ couples, to empower them in their role as loving and nurturing parents.

Parenting in a LGBTQ+ household comes with its own set of joys and challenges. For instance, the LGBTQ+ community and its members have many strengths and resources that can be harnessed to create a special nurturing, inclusive, and resilient environment for children. By raising awareness of these unique aspects, we can help prepare parents to create a nurturing and inclusive environment. For more information on effective strategies to strengthen your relationship click here.

Support for Parenting

Building a Support Network

Even in the most supportive of environments, parenting is one of the most difficult and all-encompassing tasks you will ever undertake. Unfortunately, many LGBTQ+ parents are raising a child in an environment that is anything but supportive – adding to the stress, to the frustrations, and self-doubt that parenthood can involve. Therefore, it’s important that you and your partner build a supportive network of other parents.

1. Connecting with other LGBTQ+ families and support groups:

– Seek out LGBTQ+ parenting groups or meetups in your local community.

– Attend events or conferences focused on LGBTQ+ families to connect with like-minded individuals.

– Engage in online communities and forums dedicated to supporting LGBTQ+ parents.

2. Seeking out resources and organizations that provide guidance and assistance:

– Research local LGBTQ+ community centers or organizations that offer family support services.

– Explore online platforms that provide resources specifically designed for LGBTQ+ parents.

– Consider attending workshops or classes that focus on parenting skills and techniques for LGBTQ+ couples.

Nurturing Your Child’s Emotional Well-being

Creating an Inclusive Home

In any household, creating an inclusive home environment is essential for your child’s well-being and development. Here are some tips to establish an open and accepting atmosphere in a LGBTQ+ household:

1. Establishing an open and accepting atmosphere:

– Emphasize the importance of love, respect, and acceptance within your family.

– Celebrate and honor each family member’s unique identities and contributions. This article provides more guidance on how family backgrounds may affect your relationship.

– Discuss the significance of diversity and teach children to appreciate and value differences.

2. Encouraging open communication about diversity and inclusion

The LGBTQ+ community embraces individuals who identify beyond the conventional norms of gender and sexuality. Despite ongoing internal differences and discussions, the community as a whole is remarkably varied, accepting, and open to all. Being able to say that you are a part of a community that takes others where the rest of the world has failed is no small accomplishment. This background often makes LGBTQ+ parents well-qualified to talk to their children regarding the importance of diversity and inclusion:

– Initiate age-appropriate conversations about different family structures and identities.

– Answer your child’s questions honestly and openly, fostering a safe space for discussion.

– Provide age-appropriate books, movies, and resources that promote diversity and inclusion.

Find out the value of communication in these 7 steps.

3. Highlighting LGBTQ+ historical figures and their contributions:

Unfortunately, your child may be exposed to negative stereotypes of the LGBTQ+ community growing up. From an early age, they may be asked about having “two mommies” or “two daddies”. To counteract the negativity, let them know about the strengths of the LGBTQ+ community.

– Introduce your child to LGBTQ+ historical figures who have made significant contributions in various fields.

– Share stories and biographies that highlight their achievements, promoting a sense of pride and inspiration.

– Discuss the challenges these individuals faced and how they overcame adversity, fostering resilience and determination.

Promoting Self-Acceptance

1. Fostering self-esteem and confidence:

– Provide positive affirmations and reinforce their strengths and abilities.

– Encourage them to set achievable goals and celebrate their accomplishments.

– Create a safe environment for open and honest communication, where they feel comfortable expressing their feelings and thoughts. For more counsel on how to share and express feelings, please click here.

2. Equipping children with tools to handle discrimination:

– Without too much fear or mistrust, teach them about different forms of discrimination and prejudice that may exist in society.

– Help them develop effective communication skills to respond to ignorance or negative remarks.

– Encourage assertiveness and teach them when they should seek support from trusted adults or authorities.

3. Teaching empathy and resilience:

– Foster empathy by encouraging your child to understand and appreciate diverse perspectives.

– Teach them how to respond to bullying or prejudice with kindness and understanding.

– Promote resilience by emphasizing their inner strength and supporting them during challenging times.

Conclusion

Sharing support, guidance, and resources for LGBTQ+ couples raising children empowers them in creating a nurturing environment where their children can flourish.

As you continue your journey as queer parents, remember to explore further resources and support options available to you. Consider our online OurRelationship program as the next step to address the challenges you are facing as a couple as a couple. Our program provides guidance and tools to support your relationship and parenting journey. Please click here for information on our program tailored for LGBTQ+ couples.

The post Raising A Child In A Same-Gender Household: Parenting Tips for LGBTQ+ Couples appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

Reuniting with your partner after a military deployment or temporary duty assignment (TDY) is an eagerly anticipated moment filled with excitement and relief. However, it’s important to recognize that the journey of reintegration may present its own set of challenges.  Luckily, with patience, understanding, and a commitment to each other, you can navigate the post-deployment period with grace and strengthen the love you share. In the sections that follow, we’ll go over practical tips and strategies to help you along the way.

The Reintegration Process

Understanding the Stages of Reintegration after Deployment

Reintegrating with your partner after a military deployment or TDY involves navigating through various stages. Recognizing and understanding these stages can help both partners manage expectations and emotions effectively.

Initial Reunion and Excitement:

   The initial reunion is often filled with excitement, joy, and relief. It’s a time to celebrate being together again and catch up on missed moments. Emotions may be intense during this stage, as you both try to reconnect and adjust to being physically close again.

Disillusionment and Adjustment:

   After the initial excitement settles, it’s common to experience a period of disillusionment and adjustment. It may feel as though reality is setting in, and you both may face challenges in readjusting to daily routines, roles, and responsibilities. It’s important to be patient and understanding during this phase, as it may take time to find a new rhythm as a couple.

Rebuilding and Reconnecting:

   The rebuilding stage is where you focus on reconnecting emotionally and rebuilding the relationship. It involves actively working on communication, trust, and intimacy. This stage offers an opportunity to rediscover shared interests, create new memories, and strengthen the bond that was temporarily disrupted by deployment or TDY.

Welcoming Your Partner Home

Creating a Warm and Welcoming Environment:

   Before your partner’s arrival, take the time to create a warm and inviting space. Consider cleaning and/or decorating your home to make it feel cozy and comfortable. You could add personal touches such as photos, mementos, or their favorite things to help them feel appreciated and welcome.

Involving Family and Friends in the Celebration:

   If you think your partner would appreciate and enjoy it, a homecoming celebration is a wonderful opportunity to involve family and friends in welcoming your partner back. Coordinate with loved ones to plan a gathering or surprise event that expresses love, support, and excitement. This collective celebration can help create an atmosphere of joy and make the homecoming even more memorable.

Making the Transition Smooth

Allowing Time for Readjustment and Rest:

   Understand that your partner may need time to readjust to daily life after deployment or TDY. Be mindful of their need for rest and relaxation. Give them space to decompress, allowing them to set their own pace for reintegration. This will help ease the transition and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Showing Patience and Understanding:

   Recognize that both you and your partner may have changed during the time apart. Be patient with each other as you adapt to new routines and roles. Understand that readjustment can bring challenges and occasional misunderstandings. Approach these situations with empathy, actively listening to each other’s perspectives, and offering understanding and support.

Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation

Acknowledging the Sacrifices Made during Deployment:

   Take time to express your gratitude for the sacrifices your partner made during deployment or TDY. Let them know how much you appreciate their dedication, courage, and commitment to their service. Acknowledge the challenges they faced and the strength they demonstrated throughout the deployment.

Offering Gestures of Love and Support:

   Show your love and support through meaningful gestures. These can include simple acts of kindness, such as preparing their favorite meal, organizing a relaxing day together, or writing a heartfelt letter expressing your love and pride. Small gestures can go a long way in reaffirming your bond and making your partner feel valued and cherished. You can find information on the importance of gestures such as date nights here.

Addressing the Emotional and Psychological Aspects of Reintegration

Coping with Mixed Emotions and Expectations:

   Both partners may experience a mix of emotions during reintegration. You both may also have different expectations of what reintegration will be like. It’s common to feel joy, relief, anxiety, or even a sense of sadness. Recognize that these emotions are normal and allow space for each other to express and process them. Additionally, managing expectations is crucial, as the realities of post-deployment life may differ from what was imagined during the separation.

Recognizing Potential Changes in Both Partners:

  The time and different experiences you both had while separated can change you in various ways. It’s important to acknowledge and understand that both of you may have undergone personal growth, faced challenges, or developed new perspectives during the time apart. Embrace these changes and approach your partner with openness and curiosity. Take the time to learn about each other’s experiences and support one another through the process of adjustment.

Communicating Openly and Honestly about Feelings and Experiences:

   Effective communication is key to successful reintegration. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for open and honest conversations about feelings, experiences, and expectations. Active listening, empathy, and validation are essential during this phase. Share your thoughts, concerns, and aspirations, and encourage your partner to do the same. This kind of communication fosters understanding, strengthens emotional bonds, and paves the way for a more connected relationship.

Finding Support:

 If you find that the problems in your relationship persist or become overwhelming, consider seeking a relationship support program specifically designed for military couples. The OurRelationship program offers a free, online program for both active-duty/Guard/Reserve and Veteran couples to explore and address the challenges in your relationships.

By recognizing the stages of reintegration and addressing the emotional and psychological aspects involved, you and your partner can navigate the post-deployment phase with greater understanding and resilience. Remember, reconnection takes time, effort, and patience, but by working together, you can build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

Conclusion

To all military couples, we want to offer words of encouragement and support. We understand the unique challenges you face and the sacrifices you make for your country and each other. Remember that you are not alone in your journey. Reach out to your support network (whether it’s friends, family, or fellow military couples) for understanding and empathy. Seek solace in knowing that many couples have successfully navigated the challenges of deployment and reintegration, and you can too. 

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

www.ourrelationship.com

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by Jackson Weiser

In the military, love and service go hand in hand. For LGBTQ+ individuals who serve, the journey of navigating both their identity and their relationships can be uniquely challenging. However, it is essential to recognize the significance of building strong and healthy relationships within the military context. These relationships not only provide love and support but also contribute to the overall well-being and success of individuals serving in the armed forces.

Challenges and Unique Experiences

LGBTQ+ individuals in the military often face distinct challenges compared to their heterosexual counterparts. These challenges can include:

1. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: The history of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and the subsequent repeal has created an environment where LGBTQ+ individuals may still encounter discrimination or biases.
2. Lack of Representation: Limited visibility and representation of LGBTQ+ individuals within the military community can contribute to feelings of isolation and make it more challenging to find supportive networks.
3. Dual Identity: Balancing personal identity and military obligations can be a complex journey, as individuals may fear prejudice or judgment from colleagues or superiors.
4. Privacy Concerns: Concerns about privacy and maintaining confidentiality can be more pronounced for gay military couples due to potential judgment or discomfort from others.

Importance of Building Strong Relationships

Despite these challenges, investing in strong and healthy relationships is crucial for LGBTQ+ individuals in the military. Building strong relationships within the military context offers the following benefits:

1. Emotional Support: Having a supportive partner who understands the unique experiences and challenges of military life can provide emotional stability and resilience.
2. Shared Understanding: Being in a same-sex relationship with someone in the military allows for shared experiences, understanding the demands of service, and the ability to navigate them together.
3. Resilience and Coping: Strong relationships provide a sense of stability and a support system during challenging times, such as deployments or frequent relocations.

By recognizing the challenges and valuing the importance of building strong relationships, LGBTQ+ individuals in the military can lay the foundation for a fulfilling and thriving personal life while fulfilling their duty to serve their country.

Communication as the Foundation of Strong Relationships

Open and Honest Communication

In same-gender military relationships, open and honest communication plays a crucial role in fostering understanding, trust, and resilience. It allows partners to connect on a deeper level and navigate the unique challenges they face. Here’s why it’s essential:

• Building Trust: Open communication creates an environment of trust and transparency, where partners can feel safe to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

• Normalize Conflict: Understand that disagreements and challenges are a natural part of any relationship. They provide opportunities for growth and understanding when addressed constructively. Effective communication helps address conflicts promptly and constructively, minimizing misunderstandings and resentment.

• Emotional Intimacy: Openly expressing emotions and vulnerabilities fosters emotional intimacy, strengthening the bond between partners.

For more on why communication is vital in relationships, click here.

Practical Tips for Effective Communication

To enhance communication within same-sex military relationships, consider these practical tips:

• Active Listening: Actively listen to your partner by giving them your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and providing verbal and non-verbal cues to show understanding and support.

• Expressing Emotions: Encourage each other to express emotions openly and without judgment, creating a safe space to share joys, concerns, and fears.

• Clarify Expectations: Communicate your needs and expectations clearly, discussing topics such as roles, responsibilities, and future plans to ensure mutual understanding. For more on this, click here.

Setting Boundaries and Managing Expectations

The military lifestyle can be demanding, making it crucial to set boundaries and manage expectations within the relationship. Consider the following:

• Establishing Boundaries: Discuss and establish boundaries regarding personal time, career aspirations, and other aspects of life to ensure a healthy work-life balance.

• Managing Expectations: Recognize the realities of military life and manage expectations accordingly. Understand that unexpected changes or periods of separation may occur, requiring flexibility and understanding.

Importance of a Support System

Creating a support system within the military community and seeking external resources can significantly benefit same-gender military relationships:

• Military Community: Engage with the LGBTQ+ military community to find support, understanding, and connections with others who share similar experiences. One example is the Modern Military Association of America, the nation’s largest non-profit organization dedicated to advancing fairness and equality for the LGBTQ+ military and veteran community

• LGBTQ+ Support Networks: Explore local and online LGBTQ+ support groups, organizations, and forums that provide guidance, resources, and a sense of community.

• Professional Help: Consider seeking guidance from relationship counselors or therapists who specialize in working with LGBTQ+ individuals or military couples. Here at OurRelationship, we offer free programs for improving your relationship, designed specifically for military couples or same-gender couples.

Balancing Personal and Professional Lives

Balancing personal relationships with the demands of military duties can be a significant challenge for same-sex couples. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address these challenges to maintain a healthy work-life balance:

• Time Constraints: Military obligations often come with demanding schedules and unpredictable work hours, leaving limited time for personal and relationship commitments.

• Separation and Distance: Deployments, temporary assignments, and frequent relocations can create physical distance and separation, impacting the time spent together as a couple.

• Emotional Strain: The stress and emotional toll of military life can affect personal relationships, requiring extra effort to ensure the well-being of both partners.

Tips for Finding a Healthy Work-Life Balance

To achieve a healthy work-life balance within the military context, consider implementing these tips:

• Prioritization: Identify and prioritize the most important aspects of your personal life and relationship. This may involve setting boundaries and making intentional choices about how you allocate your time and energy.

• Effective Time Management: Develop effective time management strategies, such as creating schedules, setting realistic goals, and maximizing quality time spent together.

• Communication and Collaboration: Communicate openly with your partner about your work commitments, scheduling conflicts, and the need for support. Collaborate on finding creative solutions to ensure both personal and professional needs are met.

For more about balancing time spent together in your relationship, click here.

Self-Care and Stress Management

Taking care of oneself is vital for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling same-gender military relationship. Both partners should prioritize self-care and stress management:

• Self-Care Practices: Engage in activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, mindfulness, and self-reflection.

• Support Each Other: Encourage and support each other in practicing self-care. Be mindful of each other’s needs and provide space for personal growth and rejuvenation.

• Stress Management Techniques: Develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing stress, such as practicing relaxation techniques, seeking counseling support, and utilizing resources provided by the military.

For signs that stress is impacting your relationship, click here.

Conclusion

Your relationship is valuable, and it deserves your attention and care. It’s important to prioritize your connection with your partner and invest in its growth. Remember, seeking support when needed is a sign of strength and dedication to building a strong and thriving relationship. Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional guidance or utilize available resources.

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

www.ourrelationship.com

The post Navigating Love and Service: Building Strong LGBTQ+ Military Relationships appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

We often get various questions about dating military men. Whether you just started dating a military man or you’ve been together for some time, we hope to provide some clarity to questions we receive about dating someone in the military.

“What do military guys look for in a girl?”

Military guys, just like anyone else, look for someone they can connect with emotionally, intellectually, and physically. They value qualities such as loyalty, understanding, and flexibility in their partners.

“Why are military guys so clingy?”

Military life can be unpredictable, and deployments and separations can make couples feel like they’re constantly in a state of transition. This can make military guys feel more clingy or needy than usual, as they crave the stability and comfort of a relationship during challenging times.

“Why do military guys move fast in relationships?”

Military life is fast-paced and full of change. When a military man meets someone they connect with, they may feel like they need to move quickly because they don’t know when their circumstances might change.

“Why do military guys fall in love so fast?”

Similarly to moving fast in relationships, military guys may fall in love quickly because they want to make the most of their time with their partner. The threat of deployment or separation can make them feel like they need to act quickly to solidify their relationship.

“Why does my military boyfriend seem emotionless?”

Whether you are dating a veteran or someone who is currently in the military, PTSD can manifest itself in a seemingly emotionless outward appearance. Unfortunately, many veterans and servicemen suffer from PTSD, so they might have difficulty expressing positive emotions as a result of re-experiencing traumatic states.¹

“Are military guys faithful?”

Just like with any other group of people, there are both faithful and unfaithful individuals among military guys. It’s unfair to generalize an entire group based on the actions of a few. However, military life can be stressful and challenging, which can sometimes put a strain on relationships. It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your expectations and boundaries.

“How do I know if a military guy likes me?”

There are a few signs that a military guy may be interested in you. He may make an effort to spend time with you, initiate conversations, and ask you questions about yourself. He may also show concern for your well-being and try to make you feel comfortable and supported. It’s important to remember, however, that not everyone shows their interest in the same way. Some military men might be more reserved or shy. Therefore, if you’re unsure about how someone feels about you, the best thing to do would be to ask them directly. 

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

www.ourrelationship.com

References

1. Litz, B. T., & Gray, M. J. (2002). Emotional numbing in posttraumatic stress disorder: current and future research directions. The Australian and New Zealand journal of psychiatry, 36(2), 198–204. https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1440-1614.2002.01002.x

The post Common Questions Asked About Dating A Military Man appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

If you’re a military girlfriend who’s thinking about taking the next step with your partner, there are some important things to consider. While becoming a military wife can come with many advantages, it also comes with its own unique set of challenges. In this article, we’ll explore the advantages and disadvantages of being a military spouse and offer tips on how to navigate the difficulties that come with military life. Whether you’re already in a military relationship or just considering one, we hope this article will provide you with valuable insights and information to help you make informed decisions about your future.

Advantages Of Becoming A Military Wife

If you’re a military girlfriend and you’re considering marriage, there are a number of things to keep in mind. Here are some of the benefits of becoming a military spouse: 

• Sense of Patriotism: Military men are often dedicated to their country and willing to sacrifice for their country’s sake. This sense of duty and patriotism can be attractive and inspiring to their partners.
• Travel Opportunities: Military life often involves moving to different locations around the world, providing an opportunity to experience different cultures and meet new people.
• Financial Benefits: Military men receive financial benefits, such as steady pay and health insurance, which can provide a sense of stability in a relationship.
• Strong Work Ethic: Military men are trained to be disciplined, responsible, and hardworking, which can be desirable traits in a partner.

Challenges to Consider

• Frequent Moves and Deployments: Military life often involves frequent moves and long periods of separation due to deployments. This can put a strain on the relationship and require a great deal of patience and resilience.
• Emotional Distance: Military men may struggle with emotional detachment due to their training and experiences, which can make it difficult for them to express their feelings and connect with their partners.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI): Due to the nature of military service, some servicemen struggle with PTSD or TBI. These can have significant impacts on the relationship.
• Uncertainty and Stress: Military life can be unpredictable and stressful, which can be challenging for both the service member and their partner.

How to Navigate the Cons

To navigate the challenges of dating a military man, it is important to:

• Communicate Openly: Communication is key in any relationship, but especially in a military relationship. Make sure to honestly discuss your expectations and concerns with your partner.
• Be Patient and Understanding: Military life can be unpredictable and stressful, so it’s important to be patient and understanding with your partner. Try to be flexible and adaptable, and consider that your partner may be doing their best to balance their service and their personal life.
• Take Care of Yourself: It is important to solidify your own independence and concentrate on yourself, especially if your partner is away on deployment. Engage in healthy habits and practices such as mindfulness in order to stay present and reduce stress or anxiety, as well.
• Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor. Joining a support group or seeking military couples counseling can also be helpful in navigating the challenges of military life. Here at OurRelationship, we offer a free program designed for military couples that has been proven to improve relationship and individual problems such as depression and anxiety.  

Tips for a Successful Military Marriage

• Understand and embrace the military lifestyle and culture
• Communicate effectively and often with your partner
• Establish realistic expectations for your relationship and each other
• Prioritize quality time together when possible
• Make time for self-care and individual pursuits
• Seek support when needed

How to Maintain a Healthy Work-Life Balance as a Military Couple

• Set boundaries between work and personal life
• Find ways to decompress after a long day or week
• Prioritize rest and relaxation
• Pursue hobbies and interests outside of work
• Support each other’s careers and personal goals

To read about how to make your long-distance military relationship work, click here.

Conclusion

Dating a military man can be a unique and rewarding experience, but it comes with its own set of challenges. To navigate these challenges, it’s important to understand the key aspects of military life and culture, be patient and adaptable, and communicate openly with your partner. Emotional challenges can also arise, and it’s important to know that there are resources available for support. 

If you are struggling in your military relationship, know that you are not alone. Seek support from military resources or consider counseling to help navigate the challenges. With the right tools and mindset, you and your partner can overcome any obstacle and build a strong, fulfilling relationship that can withstand the challenges of military life.

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

www.ourrelationship.com

The post Pros And Cons Of Marrying A Military Man appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

Unlike other long-distance relationships, dating an individual in the military can bring up a host of unique challenges. Deployments, temporary duty assignments (TDY), different time zones, and limited communication can all make military relationships challenging. However, it is possible for your relationship to survive and even thrive under these circumstances. By following the tips in this article, you can make the most out of your long-distance military relationship.

Communication is Key

Long-distance military relationships require extra effort in order to stay connected and maintain a strong relationship. That’s why communication is absolutely key! 

Regular communication is essential for building trust and intimacy in your relationship. This is especially true when you can’t physically be together. It is important to actively listen during your conversations, and be honest about how you feel and what’s on your mind, even if it isn’t pleasant. This also means being patient and understanding when communication isn’t always easy, whether due to time differences, technical difficulties, or other factors.

So, try to make communication a top priority in your long-distance military relationship. Use a variety of communication methods, such as texting, calling, or video calls to keep things interesting and mix it up. Maintaining consistent communication may take extra effort, but it’s worth it to maintain a strong, healthy relationship despite the miles between you. If you or your partner has trouble expressing their thoughts and feelings, here is a link to another one of our articles that can help you with that.

Embrace Your Independence

We are aware that having a long-distance military relationship can be challenging, but it can also be a chance for personal development. When your companion is gone, you have more time to concentrate on yourself, explore your own interests and hobbies, and solidify your own identity. Embracing your freedom and making the most of your alone time are as essential as staying in touch and making time for your relationship. Here are some examples of what you can do:

Get involved in your community

Even if your partner isn’t away, it is always a good idea to get involved in your community. Whether it be volunteering, taking classes, or playing sports, there are many ways to feel connected with the people around you and gain fulfillment without the presence of your partner. 

Hone a skill

Making steady progress on a skill is one of the best ways to feel accomplished and independent. As you see yourself getting better and better, you will feel more confident in other parts of your life as well. You could even surprise your partner with your new talent when they return. 

Go on a solo adventure

Traveling by yourself is another great way to embrace your time alone. You don’t need to go far, either. Simply going across town can be a refreshing experience. If you’ve never traveled alone before, you might be pleasantly surprised by the fact that you can do it completely at your own pace.

Embracing your independence also takes some of the pressure off your partner, who may feel guilty or stressed about being away from you.

Of course, it’s important to find the right balance between independence and couple time. You don’t want to become so focused on your own interests that you neglect your relationship altogether. But by becoming a more independent person, you develop a healthier, more balanced relationship with your partner overseas.

Plan for the Future

One of the biggest challenges of a long-distance military relationship is the uncertainty about the future. With deployments, training, and relocations, it can be hard to know what’s coming next and how to plan for it. But having a plan, both short-term and long-term, can help you and your partner feel more secure and confident about your future together.

Short-term plans

This might include things like scheduling regular visits, setting aside time for video chats and phone calls, and planning special events or surprises for each other. These can help keep the relationship feeling fresh and exciting, even when you aren’t physically together.

Long-term plans

This might include things like discussing where you want to live when your partner is done with their deployment or TDY, talking about career goals and aspirations, and considering how you might build a life together once the deployment or TDY is over. Having a shared vision for the future can give you both something to work towards, and can help you weather the ups and downs that might occur along the way.

So, sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about your goals and aspirations, both individually and as a couple. Brainstorm ways to make those goals a reality, and make a plan for how you’ll work towards them together. Even if the plan changes along the way, having a shared vision for the future can help keep your relationship strong and thriving despite the distance.

Keep the Romance Alive

Being in a long-distance military relationship doesn’t mean that the romance has to fizzle out. With a little effort and creativity, you can keep the spark alive and make your partner feel loved and appreciated, even when you’re miles apart. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Surprise Visits

Nothing says “I love you” like a surprise visit from your partner. If you’re able to plan a visit, try to keep it a secret until the last minute for an extra element of surprise. Even if you can only visit for a short time, the gesture can go a long way in making your partner feel special.

Virtual Dates

Thanks to technology, there are plenty of ways to have a “date” with your partner even when you’re not in the same room. Plan a virtual dinner date, movie night, or game night using video chat or screen sharing. You can even send each other food or snacks to enjoy together during the date.

Love Letters

In a world of instant messaging and texting, there’s something especially romantic about a handwritten love letter. Take the time to write down your feelings and send a physical letter or care package to your partner. It’s a tangible reminder of your love that they can hold onto and cherish.

Remember, the key to keeping the romance alive in a long-distance military relationship is to stay intentional and make the effort to show your partner that you really care and are thinking about them. By planning surprise visits, virtual dates, and sending love letters, you can keep the spark alive and show your partner that distance doesn’t diminish your love.

Acknowledge the Unique Challenges and Rewards

The Challenges

These might include frequent moves, deployments, and the stress and anxiety that come with military life. It can be difficult to maintain a sense of stability and routine when your partner’s job requires them to be away from home and potentially in danger for extended periods of time.

The Rewards

There are also unique rewards to being in a military relationship. For example, you and your partner are both part of a larger community that values service, sacrifice, and patriotism. This means that they understand your feelings and worries, so they are well equipped to offer support and empathy.

Another positive of the military relationship is that you may have the opportunity to travel and experience different parts of the country or the world. You also get to be a part of your partner’s journey as they grow and develop in their military career.

Acknowledging the challenges and rewards of military life can help you and your partner maintain perspective and find ways to support each other through the ups and downs. It’s important to be open and honest about your feelings and experiences, and to actively work together to navigate the unique challenges of military life. Celebrate the unique aspects of your partnership while also finding ways to support each other through the tough times.

Conclusion

By following these tips and finding creative ways to support each other, you can overcome the unique challenges of a long-distance military relationship and build a strong and lasting partnership. 

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

www.ourrelationship.com

The post How To Make Your Long-Distance Military Relationship Work appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Myrtle Valpoort

Couples may begin their journey of parenthood believing a baby will bring them closer. In reality, the quality of a relationship tends to decline after the birth of a firstborn.¹ Childcare introduces a variety of new challenges and stressors that can test a relationship. . Mothers tend to report declines in relationship confidence and conflict management after birth. Mothers and fathers often report a decline in relationship dedication after birth.³ Fortunately, there are steps that can prepare your relationship for this stressful yet exciting time. In order to reduce conflict and maintain closeness during the transition to parenthood, consider the following tips.

1. Both partners should actively prepare for the baby

Prospective parents are encouraged to seek as much information as possible about their new journey. Prenatal classes, books, and support groups can each provide valuable information and support to new parents. However, mothers typically engage in prenatal education more than fathers in heterosexual relationships. Fathers can seek information on their own or attend classes with their partners. Online resources are a great, accessible way to seek help from psychologists and other parents. A great first step is the CDC’s positive parenting site which offers advice for each developmental stage in your new baby’s life. Another alternative is for couples to attend prenatal classes together. Finally, you can contact a midwife to serve as a trustworthy and comforting source of information.² All of the above can support parents and even help them stay united during this transition. This is important because it can positively affect overall relationship satisfaction, which can increase as both parents begin to feel more confident in their role.²

2. Find ways that both partners can be involved. 

Similar to the preparation phase, a lot of responsibilities and baby needs are assigned to the mother in heterosexual relationships. ² However, the other parent can support both their partner and baby through housework and other forms of assistance. Keeping the home tidy, making meals, and taking care of pets are great ways to show support. These responsibilities can be overwhelming but making an effort is crucial. Before the baby arrives, you and your partner should discuss possible chores and create a plan to divide and conquer. Later, check in with one another and reassess your assigned tasks. The less involved partner can connect with the newborn by taking over some baby-related duties while their partner is resting. Possible chores include changing, bathing, dressing, and bottle-feeding the baby. By taking on some of the workload, less involved partners can connect with the baby while lifting some stress off the more involved partner.

3. Establish a strong support system

Learning from both mistakes and successes of others can ease the difficult transition to parenthood. After the birth of a new baby, couples often look to their support systems for guidance. Grandparents can be a great resource if you trust their perspective and parenting philosophy. You can also find local or virtual parenting groups through Facebook or Reddit for advice and support. Building a support network is crucial for feeling informed, confident, and emotionally supported.

4. Plan for post-birth changes

With a new baby, you will experience changes in many areas. There will be a need to expand in some and cut back in others; through these changes it is important to nurture your romantic relationship. You should expect your relationship to require more work but discussing change beforehand can be helpful. Time and time again, new parents are shocked by how much relationships change after having a child – many wished they had been more prepared.² You and your partner will also change as individuals as you work to overcome new obstacles. Being a parent is not an easy task and many people have difficulty adjusting. It is common for couples to experience mental health troubles after having a child.⁴ Of course, this is difficult to predict, but being aware of possible troubles and preparing accordingly can be beneficial.

5. Find time to connect

The health of your relationship with your partner is important for more than your own well-being. Dysfunctional relationships also may impact the well-being of the baby. In fact, babies tend to cry more when their parents’ relationship is characterized by dissatisfaction and conflict.⁵ The best way to combat this is by making time for one another. It might not be as easy as before but setting time aside and prioritizing each other will be worth it – especially if you are committed to having a loving and supportive relationship for years to come. If you are already experiencing tension, constructively voicing issues is the first step towards improving relationship satisfaction. I encourage you to lean into difficult conversations. It is an essential skill to build as a new parent.

Conclusion

New information can be overwhelming but discussing ways to implement a few tips with your partner is a great step. Just remember to be patient and kind to yourself and your partner as you embark on this beautiful journey together.

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

www.ourrelationship.com

References

1. Carlson, M. J., & VanOrman, A. G. (2017). Trajectories of relationship supportiveness after childbirth: Does marriage matter?Social Science Research, 66, 102–117.
2. Deave, T., Johnson, D. & Ingram, J. Transition to parenthood: the needs of parents in pregnancy and early parenthood. BMC Pregnancy Childbirth 8, 30 (2008).
3. Doss, B. D., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). The effect of the transition to parenthood on relationship quality: an 8-year prospective study. Journal of personality and social psychology, 96(3), 601–619.
4. Parfitt, YLVA & Ayers, Susan. (2014). Transition to parenthood and mental health in first-time parents. Infant Mental Health Journal. 35.
5. Shapiro, A. F. (2004). Examining relationships between the marriage, mother -father -baby interactions and infant emotion regulation. (Order No. 3139537, University of Washington). ProQuest Dissertations and Theses, 318.

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