by Jackson Weiser and Charlotte Cremers

Parenting as a member of the armed forces presents unique challenges that can put even the strongest bonds to the test. Deployments, temporary duty assignments (TDY), and the uncertainty that accompanies military life can put immense strain on both parents and children. 

In this article, we’ll first describe parenting while in the military and then discuss practical parenting tips for military members. By implementing these strategies, parents can navigate the obstacles of military life more easily and effectively.

Support Each Other’s Roles

Each parent in a military family plays a crucial role in their children’s lives, even if their responsibilities may differ due to deployments or other military commitments. Recognizing contributions that both parents make is essential for a balanced family dynamic.

At-Home Parent Challenges:

• Solo Parenting: During deployments or extended separations, the at-home parent may take on the role of a solo parent, managing daily routines, decision-making, and emotional support.
• Loneliness and Isolation: Frequent relocations can lead to feelings of isolation from being away from extended family and friends.
• Handling Household Responsibilities: Managing household chores, finances, and other responsibilities alone can be overwhelming.

Military Parent Challenges:

• Coping with Separation: The active-duty parent faces the emotional toll of being away from their family and may experience feelings of guilt or missing out on important milestones.
• Stress and Demands of Service: Military duties can be physically and mentally demanding, requiring resilience and adaptability.
• Reintegration after Deployment: Adjusting to family life again after deployment can pose challenges as roles and routines often shift following one parent’s absence.

Fostering a Supportive Family Environment:

• Effective Communication: Maintain open and compassionate communication, sharing thoughts, feelings, and challenges with each other without judgment.
• Acknowledging Efforts and Difficulties: Express appreciation for each other’s contributions and hardships for the family, recognizing the sacrifices made by both parents.
• Sharing Responsibilities: Whenever possible, divide household responsibilities and child-rearing duties equitably, acknowledging the strengths and limitations of each parent’s situation.
• Respecting Individual Needs: Understand that each parent may have different needs during deployment or homecoming and provide space for personal growth and self-care.

Fostering Resilience in Children

Resilience is not just about “toughening up”; it involves emotional strength, adaptability, and a positive outlook. In a military family, resilience helps children face transitions, separations, and new environments with courage and hope. 

Encouraging Open Discussions About Emotions and Experiences:

• Create a safe space for your children to share their feelings openly.
• Validate their feelings and let them know it’s okay to express themselves, whether they’re excited, sad, or afraid. Validating your child’s emotions does not mean that you need to compromise on important boundaries.
• Be attentive listeners and avoid dismissing or belittling their concerns.

Promoting Problem-Solving Skills and Adaptability:

• Involve your children in decision-making processes when appropriate, empowering them to take ownership of their choices.
• Encourage flexibility and adaptability by embracing change positively as a family.
• Teach problem-solving techniques, helping them break down challenges into manageable steps.

Offering Praise and Recognition for their Strength and Achievements:

• Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, to instill confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
• Recognize and praise their efforts in facing challenges and trying their best, regardless of the outcomes.
• Remind them of their past achievements during tough times, fostering a belief in their capabilities.

By encouraging resilience in your children, you help to empower them to face life’s challenges head on. As your children grow, this trait will serve as a powerful foundation, helping them to navigate the difficulties of military life and beyond. 

Practice Self-Care

Importance of Self-Care for Parents and Children:

• For Parents: Military life can be physically and emotionally demanding, and as parents, your wellbeing is important for supporting your family effectively. Engage in self-care activities that replenish your energy, reduce stress, and foster emotional resilience.
• For Children: Children also benefit from self-care practices, as it helps them manage stress, regulate emotions, and build their own strength.

Self-Care Strategies for Military Parents:

• Prioritizing Sleep and Rest: Adequate rest is crucial for physical and mental health. Establish a regular sleep routine, as best you can during unpredictable schedules, and prioritize rest whenever needed.
• Engaging in Mindfulness Practices: Practice mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga to reduce stress and promote emotional well-being. Mindfulness helps you stay present, manage worries, and enhance overall mental clarity.
• Setting Boundaries and Saying No: Recognize your limits and learn to say no when you feel overwhelmed with commitments. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to focus on what truly matters and prevents burnout.
• Taking Breaks and “Me” Time: Make time for yourself regularly, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. Use this time to relax, reflect, or engage in self-care activities without interruptions.

Addressing Deployment or TDY Challenges

Preparing for reunions and potential adjustments afterward is equally important for a smooth transition. Let’s explore tips to address deployment or TDY related issues.

Staying Connected When Physically Separated: 

• If you or your partner is away on a deployment or TDY, there are still ways to stay connected to your family. To read more about how to make your long-distance military relationship work, click here.

Preparing for Reunions and Potential Adjustments:

• Realistic Expectations: Understand that both the separated parent and the family at home may have shifted and developed during this time apart. Try to be patient with the process of reconnecting.
• Transition Period: Allow for a transition period after the reunion, as both the returning parent and the family may need time to readjust to each other’s presence.
• Communicate Expectations: Discuss roles, routines, and expectations openly after the reunion to ensure a smooth reintegration.

Seek Support and Resources

Seeking support and utilizing available resources is an effective way to navigate challenges and foster resilience. The military community offers a wealth of resources designed to assist families in coping with the unique demands they face. 

1. Embrace the Military Community’s Support:

• Tap into the vast network of fellow military families who understand the journey you’re on: The Modern Military Association of America is the nation’s largest non-profit organization dedicated to advancing fairness and equality for the LGBTQ+ military and veteran community.
• You can find more support programs for military families here.

2. Utilize Counseling Services and Support Programs

• Counseling Services: Professional counselors specializing in military family dynamics can provide a safe space for open discussions and offer guidance in handling various challenges. A good resource for this is Military OneSource.
• Relationship Support Programs: The OurRelationship program offers a free, online program for active-duty/Guard/Reserve (through Military OneSource) and Veteran couples to explore and address the challenges in your relationships.

Remember, reaching out for support is not a sign of defeat, but a testament to your commitment to creating a healthy family. Regular check-ins with each other and utilizing external resources can be beneficial.

Conclusion

In military families, strong and supportive relationships are the backbone of resilience. By nurturing open communication, spending quality time together, and supporting each other’s roles, you can build a foundation of attachment and security that can withstand a wide range of hardships.

The post Parenting and Family Advice for a Member of the Military appeared first on OurRelationship.

by Jackson Weiser

Unlike other long-distance relationships, dating an individual in the military can bring up a host of unique challenges. Deployments, temporary duty assignments (TDY), different time zones, and limited communication can all make military relationships challenging. However, it is possible for your relationship to survive and even thrive under these circumstances. By following the tips in this article, you can make the most out of your long-distance military relationship.

Communication is Key

Long-distance military relationships require extra effort in order to stay connected and maintain a strong relationship. That’s why communication is absolutely key! 

Regular communication is essential for building trust and intimacy in your relationship. This is especially true when you can’t physically be together. It is important to actively listen during your conversations, and be honest about how you feel and what’s on your mind, even if it isn’t pleasant. This also means being patient and understanding when communication isn’t always easy, whether due to time differences, technical difficulties, or other factors.

So, try to make communication a top priority in your long-distance military relationship. Use a variety of communication methods, such as texting, calling, or video calls to keep things interesting and mix it up. Maintaining consistent communication may take extra effort, but it’s worth it to maintain a strong, healthy relationship despite the miles between you. If you or your partner has trouble expressing their thoughts and feelings, here is a link to another one of our articles that can help you with that.

Embrace Your Independence

We are aware that having a long-distance military relationship can be challenging, but it can also be a chance for personal development. When your companion is gone, you have more time to concentrate on yourself, explore your own interests and hobbies, and solidify your own identity. Embracing your freedom and making the most of your alone time are as essential as staying in touch and making time for your relationship. Here are some examples of what you can do:

Get involved in your community

Even if your partner isn’t away, it is always a good idea to get involved in your community. Whether it be volunteering, taking classes, or playing sports, there are many ways to feel connected with the people around you and gain fulfillment without the presence of your partner. 

Hone a skill

Making steady progress on a skill is one of the best ways to feel accomplished and independent. As you see yourself getting better and better, you will feel more confident in other parts of your life as well. You could even surprise your partner with your new talent when they return. 

Go on a solo adventure

Traveling by yourself is another great way to embrace your time alone. You don’t need to go far, either. Simply going across town can be a refreshing experience. If you’ve never traveled alone before, you might be pleasantly surprised by the fact that you can do it completely at your own pace.

Embracing your independence also takes some of the pressure off your partner, who may feel guilty or stressed about being away from you.

Of course, it’s important to find the right balance between independence and couple time. You don’t want to become so focused on your own interests that you neglect your relationship altogether. But by becoming a more independent person, you develop a healthier, more balanced relationship with your partner overseas.

Plan for the Future

One of the biggest challenges of a long-distance military relationship is the uncertainty about the future. With deployments, training, and relocations, it can be hard to know what’s coming next and how to plan for it. But having a plan, both short-term and long-term, can help you and your partner feel more secure and confident about your future together.

Short-term plans

This might include things like scheduling regular visits, setting aside time for video chats and phone calls, and planning special events or surprises for each other. These can help keep the relationship feeling fresh and exciting, even when you aren’t physically together.

Long-term plans

This might include things like discussing where you want to live when your partner is done with their deployment or TDY, talking about career goals and aspirations, and considering how you might build a life together once the deployment or TDY is over. Having a shared vision for the future can give you both something to work towards, and can help you weather the ups and downs that might occur along the way.

So, sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about your goals and aspirations, both individually and as a couple. Brainstorm ways to make those goals a reality, and make a plan for how you’ll work towards them together. Even if the plan changes along the way, having a shared vision for the future can help keep your relationship strong and thriving despite the distance.

Keep the Romance Alive

Being in a long-distance military relationship doesn’t mean that the romance has to fizzle out. With a little effort and creativity, you can keep the spark alive and make your partner feel loved and appreciated, even when you’re miles apart. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Surprise Visits

Nothing says “I love you” like a surprise visit from your partner. If you’re able to plan a visit, try to keep it a secret until the last minute for an extra element of surprise. Even if you can only visit for a short time, the gesture can go a long way in making your partner feel special.

Virtual Dates

Thanks to technology, there are plenty of ways to have a “date” with your partner even when you’re not in the same room. Plan a virtual dinner date, movie night, or game night using video chat or screen sharing. You can even send each other food or snacks to enjoy together during the date.

Love Letters

In a world of instant messaging and texting, there’s something especially romantic about a handwritten love letter. Take the time to write down your feelings and send a physical letter or care package to your partner. It’s a tangible reminder of your love that they can hold onto and cherish.

Remember, the key to keeping the romance alive in a long-distance military relationship is to stay intentional and make the effort to show your partner that you really care and are thinking about them. By planning surprise visits, virtual dates, and sending love letters, you can keep the spark alive and show your partner that distance doesn’t diminish your love.

Acknowledge the Unique Challenges and Rewards

The Challenges

These might include frequent moves, deployments, and the stress and anxiety that come with military life. It can be difficult to maintain a sense of stability and routine when your partner’s job requires them to be away from home and potentially in danger for extended periods of time.

The Rewards

There are also unique rewards to being in a military relationship. For example, you and your partner are both part of a larger community that values service, sacrifice, and patriotism. This means that they understand your feelings and worries, so they are well equipped to offer support and empathy.

Another positive of the military relationship is that you may have the opportunity to travel and experience different parts of the country or the world. You also get to be a part of your partner’s journey as they grow and develop in their military career.

Acknowledging the challenges and rewards of military life can help you and your partner maintain perspective and find ways to support each other through the ups and downs. It’s important to be open and honest about your feelings and experiences, and to actively work together to navigate the unique challenges of military life. Celebrate the unique aspects of your partnership while also finding ways to support each other through the tough times.

Conclusion

By following these tips and finding creative ways to support each other, you can overcome the unique challenges of a long-distance military relationship and build a strong and lasting partnership. 

Learn More about How to Improve Your Relationship!

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The post How To Make Your Long-Distance Military Relationship Work appeared first on OurRelationship.